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A reflection I’ll do nothing about
I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to make this as profound and relatable as possible but found myself feeling like nothing in what I’ve written was making sense. Reason being that I was probably lying in each thought or paragraph, to a point where I couldn’t relate to it myself. Speaking freely and openly about how my mental health has been a bittersweet symphony of both complex and simple melodies that sound harsh to the next person, but absolutely harmonious to me, has never really been a problem. Which in itself is such an odd thing to say because surely none of this should be working together to help me become the self-actualized individual I so long to be.
I think the most interesting thing about what I’m experiencing right now is the fact that I’ve just acknowledged that I’m devoid of emotions. Nothing is recognizable. Not because it isn’t familiar, but because I don’t feel it anymore. For example; I know that I love my partner. I know that I want nothing for them but the best, simply because they deserve it, and I want to spend a considerable amount of time with them. However, I know that what I’m feeling isn’t the love I felt in first year for my then partner. You would probably say, “Of course, Thato, the feeling won’t be the same because you aren’t the same person you were then.” You would be absolutely correct in saying that. Though I know that there should be this…
